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How To Prepare For Anal Sex

It’s modern age, so let’s get used to the idea that people of all genders and orientations are enjoying the wonders of butt play. Here is a helpful guide to acquaint you with this heavenly erogenous zone, and how to prepare for anal sex for maximum pleasure.

Just like anything in life, we must arm ourselves with the latest and greatest information out there. And anal sex isn’t like regular vaginal sex that you can more or less fumble through. The anus is a muscle that we must prime for penetration, but more importantly, for intense pleasure.

But, to the novice, anal sex can be entirely daunting. There are fears of pain, hygiene issues, and there’s a whole psychological aspect. But, you are here. So whether out of curiosity or trying it out of request of your partner; we are here to support, educate, and hopefully inspire you to prepare for the best anal pleasure of your life.

Let’s Dive Right In

As we stated before, the anal sphincter is a muscle and needs to be worked as much. To maximize pleasure, it’s imperative to train your ass. And this training should be both a mental and physical endeavor. You can’t prepare for anal sex, without mentally preparing yourself first.

Men and women both reach sexual arousal very differently. For women, it could take a full twenty minutes before they reach peak sexual arousal, while men take significantly less time. Not groundbreaking news, but it’s definitely something that needs remembering. And the anus is in a natural state of clinching, so arousal is essential to relax the anus.

First timers to anal often make the mistake of going from nothing to penis. Porn many times inspires people in the bedroom, which is great! But, what we didn’t see was how porn stars prepare for those anal sex scenes. Many hours are spent on preparing for hardcore anal scenes. Porn is a fantasy and should be treated as such – of course it doesn’t include the breaks for extra lube or the clean-up from anal to vaginal sex; and it definitely doesn’t include the several day breaks between hardcore anal scenes.

The risk of injury is too great if you just jump right in without any sort of introduction or preparation – we’re talking tearing, fissures, and prolapses.


One of the bigger fears or mental hurdles of anal sex is the possible contact with feces. It’s a completely normal fear; poop exits from the anus, so inserting something into it might seem counterintuitive. After all, sex and poop just don’t mix – well, certainly not in the mainstream.

Enemas can help to rid yourself of waste left in the rectum and anal canal. Anal douches are a popular, and some say, an absolutely necessary step if you are going to engage in any kind of ass play.

Douching is often associated with the vagina, but a douche refers to a stream of water inserted into an orifice of the body with the desired result of cleansing. Anal douches can be purchased and performed at home – some douches on the market are with bulbs or fleets, shower kits, and water bags.

A word of caution. Douches should not be used regularly. They should be a supplement to a healthy, high fiber diet that regulates the bowels on a daily basis. Douching too many times can tear or damage the lining of the rectum, which makes you more susceptible to a whole host of infections, and STIs.

Image Credit: SFAF

Another precaution that needs attention is your fingernails. Your digits will no doubt make their anal debut, so make sure they are cut short, filed down, and buffed. You’ll thank us for that little tip.

It should go without saying, but a good old fashion shower with soap and water is a requisite before any kind of sex play. And many times, that’s all that is needed.

And remember, it’s important that if poop happens, it happens. Clean it up and move on. It shouldn’t stop you from having amazing, toe-curling anal sex.

Lube It Up

Anal sex and lube should always go together. If nothing else, use lube. And a lot of it. The anus is not like a vagina, which is self-lubricating, so anal lube is an absolute necessity and one of the only things that can make anal sex pleasurable.

The walls of the anus are thin, and easily torn, so lube should be thick to make penetration slick. Saliva is definitely not recommended, it dries out the skin and will have an elastic effect on it. Ouch!

Water-based lubes, although produce the desired slippery texture, tend to dry out faster, meaning you will need to reapply and often. Silicon-based lubes are ideal for anal sex. Their thick viscous texture is perfect for endurance. The downside is that they stain bedding, so throw down a towel before beginning.

lubes types
Image Credit: SmittenKitten

Start Slow

Just like with masturbation, you need to start by fingering your ass in order to understand what you like and to get yourself used to these new intense sensations. There are a plethora of very sensitive erotic nerve endings in the anus. A well-lubed finger should explore with different pressures, strokes, and speeds. When you start experimenting on yourself, you are more relaxed and open.

If you are with a partner, you can start off with some rimming. This will have an immediate relaxing and severely passionate effect. Keeping the tongue concentrated outside the anus, will not only have you partner seeing stars, but your anus will relax the muscles, and if ready, can stick in a finger or two.

Up Your Sex Toy Game

up your sex toy game
Anal beads are a great way to start training your ass to accept penetration. The beads start out from small and the way up to extra large, and are connected by a string or flexible silicone. For beginners, you start by inserting the smallest bead into the rectum, and the more comfortable you get, the bigger you can go.

The pleasure of anal beads come from inserting them, and then slowly pulling them out. They titillate the sphincter muscles that clench the anus together. When the beads are in they cause the feeling of fullness, creating a quixotic mix of erotic stimulation and excitement.

To insert the beads, you need to lube up the asshole, as well as the beads. Make sure you are nice and relaxed in order to receive them with ease. Start off with a nice massage of the anus, a bit of anal fingering will open you up and relax you.

Another excellent anal toy is a butt plug. They are a wonderful toy to explore the erogenous zones in the anus, and like the anal beads, they come in a variety sizes that gradually get bigger. The base of the plug is flared, so using the toy can become a completely hands-free experience. They can be enjoyed in conjunction with all kinds of genital play or even vaginal intercourse.

The base of a butt plug should always be flared because you run the risk of having the toy (or another object) getting stuck in the anal canal, which works like a vacuum. Please, please, please only stick approved anal toys up your butt, this will save you from potential bodily harm and many embarrassing hours in the ER. Safety first!

Sensations differ from person to person, and so does tolerance level. But, the great thing about anal toys, like butt plugs, is that it’s a toy for everyone, every gender. Couples can enjoy them together because everyone has the same anal anatomy.

Butt plugs are an awesome way to train the ass to take a penis or anal dildo. Add a vibrating plug to the mix and you are adding a whole new dimension of pleasure. The vibrations hit that sweet, sweet “male g spot” or pass through the thin walls of the vagina – hitting even more erogenous zones at once.

We keep mentioning lube, but seriously, if you don’t use enough you will not enjoy your ass play session. Trust us. We mentioned before that a silicone-based lube is the way to go, but if your toys are made out of silicone, use a water-based lube because when silicone interacts with silicone it will break down your toys. And we don’t want to stop your fun!

Whichever toy you choose, make sure that you adopt a proper cleaning routine after. Make sure you wash your anal toys thoroughly with hot water and an anti-bacterial soap afterwards, regardless of their material. This will keep the longevity of your toys and kill any unwanted bacteria.

Know That Prep May Take Some Time

Again, everybody is different and the length of time it takes to train may vary from person to person. Some obviously can jump right into anal sex after a few sessions, while others may need weeks. The amount of time it takes you is up to you and what you feel comfortable with.

Communication is key in order to have successful and pleasurable anal sex when you are with a partner. And it’s perfectly ok to not move ahead with full penetration. What we are saying is, go at your own pace.

Open and Ready

Now, that your anus has had the chance to relax and prepare itself for a penis or a strap on, you can get ready to be penetrated or bottoming. Like when warming up for a butt plug, you need to be very horny. Foreplay is your friend here – Clit rubbing, dick massaging, oral, rimming, vibrators – whatever’s your fancy – anal sex should come when you are in full arousal.

Grab the lube and start off slow. Did we mention you should have lube? Not sure we got our point across. Anyways, while both anus and penis/dildo are lubed up, the idea is to minimize discomfort as much as possible, and in order for that to happen the sphincter needs to be relaxed.

Try Different Positions

Different positions should be tried out to see what is the most comfortable during initial penetration. Positions that are great for beginners are ones where the receiver has the most control. Big and forceful thrusting might be too intense, too soon. Spooning and cowgirl are both positions that can leave you in control of the speed and how deep you would like to be penetrated.

What Does Anal Feel Like?

Now that you are fully prepped, be prepared for pleasure unlike you’ve experienced before. The thousands of pleasure nerve endings in the anus, coupled with the sensitivity, will send you on an erotic explosion. Many also choose to stimulate their clit or penis while receiving anal to heighten their experience and make their orgasm more robust. We’re talking spine-tingling orgasms here – but more on that in a minute.

Communication is a key component throughout this. Don’t be shy to say something feels uncomfortable or hurts. It’s important to take control of your pleasure, otherwise what’s the point?

Anal Orgasms

anal orgasms
It’s common knowledge that men have been having orgasms from anal sex for quite some time now. Their prostate gland is activated and milked, producing whole body, unique, orgasms. Some men can even experience multiple orgasms through this way.

For women, who lack the prostate, climaxing through the anus is harder, but not impossible! The anus, with its many nerves, includes the very sensitive pudendal nerve that connects directly to the clitoris. Therefore, stimulation of this nerve to climax might happen during sex, or other kinds of anal play.

The female orgasm through the butt may start off as a buildup in the whole body, with a release and tightening through the anal sphincter producing similar sensations to a clitoris orgasm. But, even if you don’t orgasm during anal alone, you can certainly enjoy the benefits of the erotic nerve stimulation during a genital play as well.

Stay Safe

Unless you are in a fluid-bonded relationship with someone, you need to take precautions. Condoms are an essential part of a healthy sex life, and without them they leave you vulnerable to a whole host of diseases.

When the partner receiving anal has a vagina, it’s very important not to go from sex in the anus to sex in the vagina. It’s a recipe for disaster. Bacteria from the anal canal will go into the vagina and can cause infection. There’s a reason women wipe front to back!

Sex Positivity

We are seeing anal discussed on every type of forum and media out there. How do you prepare for anal sex is an often searched phrase on Google, yielding nearly 50 million hits. Still, there is a stigma associated with butt sex. But, when two consenting partners go and engage in anal sex for the purpose of enjoyment, it should be viewed as a positive thing.

We are here to celebrate our bodies, and what they are capable of. Human sexuality is normal and nothing to be ashamed about. With the right preparation and mindset, anal sex is a completely empowering, full body experience.

April Sattler

Author: April Sattler

April has always been interested in two things: psychology and sex. So she decided to combine her two passions and now April provides help and advice to those seeking to improve their relationships and sexual life.

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