There are fewer things more embarrassing than when you’re in the sack with someone you are deeply attracted to, and you blow your load before things have even started.
And what sucks even more is the shame and, ultimately, the apology the soon comes after. No one should ever be apologizing after sex. And not that it’s any consolation prize, but Premature ejaculation is a very common ailment that up to 1 in 3 men say they suffer from. And to be honest that number could be even higher, as many men might be ashamed to come forward to say they suffer from it.
Well, that’s the bad news, the good news is that there are numerous remedies and treatments that you can start today to last longer in bed. Premature ejaculation should not be a hindrance to exciting and very eventful sex life.
If you find yourself constantly asking why you can’t last longer in bed, we hope by the end of our guide you will feel inspired to push yourself out of your comfort zone, and start taking control of your very important sex life.
So, hopefully, challenge accepted!
First step: Get Over Yourself!
And we hope we aren’t coming off harsh by saying that because we really sincerely mean that. I’m sure you’ve been feeling sorry for yourself for some time, but ask yourself where has that gotten you?
Once you start to tackle the psychological hurdles then you can start to move forward in a positive and productive direction. It’s very easy to get pulled down into a hopeless spiral, but nothing is hopeless.
Sexual Anxiety Be Gone!
Sexual anxiety might be one of the reasons for your constant internal questions of why do I cum so fast?
Every time you attempt sex your body goes into fight or flight mode, sending you into a quicker release then you wanted. It’s a vicious cycle that can only be ended by stopping your anxieties dead in their track.
There are many YouTube videos and podcasts dedicated to sexual mindfulness. There are also countless of therapies that are specific in men’s sexual anxieties. The Modern Man’s Guide by Vanessa Marin is one such resource that helps to conquer performance pressure through online coaching.
And if you are in a relationship, talk with your partner about it. That might be the simplest way of sorting out your problem. If you had a pain in your leg you wouldn’t be shy to tell your girlfriend or doctor about it, why should this be any different? You aren’t less of a man because you aren’t lasting as long as you think you should.
And please stop comparing yourself to everyone else. You will only be setting yourself up for failure. And as cliché as it is, the person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself yesterday.
Not the sexiest of things, but to get an idea of how long you last, time yourself from the beginning of sex to when you cum.
Not that you should be focusing on how long it takes you to cum, but you can get a general understanding of where you are at. We don’t want to create any extra stress!
Please be kind to yourself too. Sex is enjoyable and shouldn’t be adding any undue stress to you – hell, most people view sex as a stress reliever! You definitely should be too!
We say time your sexual encounters because usually during a masturbation session you tend to be quicker. Once you get an idea of how long you last, you can then set goals from there.
Okay…so let’s get started!
One of the biggest pieces of advice we can give is to not forget your partner first.
Please please please eat or finger (or both) some pussy, or suck a dick before getting into the main event.
Foreplay should already be in your repertoire, but if it’s not, start today. If you are having trouble lasting in bed, always bring your partner to orgasm first, without fail.
We know sometimes the heat of the moment gets too intense and sex just happens fast, and just because you came doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t want to – so, be a good boy and finish them off.
Some people find that masturbating before sex helps them not cum fast. The idea being that when you release pent up tension you will be able to last longer in bed later in the day.
Of course, this all depends on your recovery time. Unfortunately, the scientific evidence is mostly anecdotal based, so you could be your own test Guinea pig (lucky you!). This is not a sure-fire way, but hey it’s worth a shot!
Penis sleeves or penis extender is a hollowed-out dildo that you can slip onto your member to penetrate your partner. And wearing a penis sleeve means that you can maintain hard and fast thrusting without cumming, which gives your partner a great chance of orgasming through penetration.
Cock rings are another great toy to explore. They sit at the base of the penis and restrict blood flow to build up to a more powerful orgasm. There are many kinds on the market, we definitely recommend a vibrating cock ring for double the pleasure.
Ask any female in your life, and they are most likely doing their Kegel exercises right now. Well, join them!
To activate these muscles, you should start in the bathroom. Yeah, we’re serious. Next time you are peeing, stop the stream of flow, hold it, let it go, and then cut the flow again. These muscles, also called pubococcygeal PC muscles, can help to lengthen (and strengthen) your orgasm and keep you lasting longer during sex.
The cheerful little rhyme “nuts to your guts” is absolutely obligatory here. Remember you can do these exercises to help you last longer in bed anywhere at any time. In the car, watching a movie or in the shower – they are a super helpful go-to exercise that can be done even if you don’t suffer from ejaculatory dysfunction.
Change Things Up
During sex, you might want to change positions before it’s too late and you lose control. Taking that minute to pause and get into a different position will help to keep your orgasm at bay.
Missionary, doggy and cowgirl are all tried and true positions, but these positions are deep and hard thrusting is required, as you already know you won’t be able to hold out long.
Finding positions that are tiring and tricky keep the pace slowed down, as well as the penetration shallow.
How To Last Longer In Bed With These 3 Sex Positions
Sitting in a chair
Sit in a chair or sofa and have your partner back themselves up onto your lap. Think of it as a modified doggy, still with rear entry, but the person being penetrated has all the control. He or she can move as slow as needed and grind their pelvis against yours.
Side by Side
This position will take practice and effort by both of you. It starts with you both laying on your sides, facing each other, your pelvis will be lower than your partners – if you are entering anally then your partner’s pelvis will need to move higher up. Your partner then lifts their leg and wraps it around your waist and you can slowly enter.
Like we said, this will take a bit of maneuvering to get it right. In this position, you or your partner can be the one moving, but the thrusting is significantly slowed down. The face to face contact is intimate, and it’s easy for your partner to read the cues on your face.
As with the side by side position, spooning also takes a bit of maneuvering to achieve penetration. With both of you laying on your sides facing the same direction, bring your pelvis lower than your partner’s. Your partner should aid in guiding your member into them.
You or your partner will have to keep things slow in order for you not to slip out. Finding the best way for you will take some practice, but isn’t that the fun of it?
Edging is a very effective technique for premature ejaculation. It trains your body to take control over your ejaculation.
Edging involves bringing yourself (or someone else) to the brink of orgasm, and stopping before you cum. This will be done again and again until you can no longer handle it, and you produce one of the strongest, most powerful orgasms.
Google it. You will find a myriad of resources, and even homemade porn dedicated to the art of edging.
The main benefit to edging is that your sexual experiences can last way longer than your previous encounters have. But, be prepared, for one of the most intense orgasms of your life.
Condoms are something you should be using anyways if you aren’t in a DNA swapping couple – but there are many condom brands out there using extra-thick rubber and include desensitizing agents.
Desensitizing Gels and Sprays
There are a lot of products on the market right now that promise a lot of things – and many of them really don’t live up to their hype. But, there are desensitizing gels, creams and sprays that actually do work.
It’s important you do your homework before you filling up your Amazon cart with all different kinds of products. Read reviews online and maybe take a trip to your local sex shop. We promise it’s not as scary and nerve-wracking as you think. The salespeople are not there to judge, they are actually very knowledgeable and can help steer you in the right direction.
The internet is exploding with programs, apps, technologies that are all dedicated to the art of prolonging your orgasm.
One of such revolutionary apps where you can track your progress with a very handy and user-friendly one called Premature Ejaculation App or PEA. It tracks your progress as your own personal “sex therapist” and guides you through different techniques such as arousal control, porn hacks, and meditation. They claim, on average, that their users have trained themselves from 2.5 minutes to 12 minutes.
Prolong is a very interesting program and device that trains your ejaculation by masturbating into their FDA cleared gadget. They claim with no use of pills, sprays or any other expensive therapies that in six weeks you will improve your duration in bed. For $299 you will get their special vibrating device, a guide book, and lube.
Take a Trip To Your Library
The Penis Book is your comprehensive guide to everything going on with your little man. Famed urologist, Dr. Aaron Spitz, walks you through optimal penis health. He details everything you need to know from blood flow to exercises to what foods to eat.
It’s a must-read for those with and without penises. How to last longer in bed for men is on the mind of both sexes!
Talk To Your Doctor
If any of these tips to last longer in bed haven’t been working for you, it might be time to consult your GP. He or she might have information on new medications, techniques and specialists they can refer you to.
Urologists can help with questions like: does Viagra make you last longer? Or will I last longer after a vasectomy?
There are also sex therapists that help to overcome emotional and physical boundaries you may be experiencing. There is absolutely no shame in needing extra help from outside sources.