The sex-positivity movement is one based on inclusivity. That means that sex should be enjoyed by all colors, genders, and physical abilities, period.
However, media and porn outlets often sell this fantasy that only able-bodied, fit people are out there enjoying sex. Well, we hate to break to anyone who might be shocked by the news we are about to drop – not many people fit into that narrow box. Gasp! Ok, ok – but for real, this is truly a major bummer for most of us out there.
This also means that populations, like those with disabilities, are often an underrepresented community, and simply put, they deserve better.
People living with disabilities make up 15% of the world’s population. Are we to believe that one billion people on Earth are just not having sex?
Let’s clear all that up right now. They are. They absolutely are. There are quite a number of disabled people that have very full, healthy active sex lives. But, since there is a dearth of information easily accessed, misconceptions are often touted.
So, we are here to help add to the growing information out there and start a conversation on finding the best sex positions for people with disabilities.
And before we dive right in – as with any sex act, communication is key. Make sure you are actively communicating before, during and after sex with your partner. And before starting something that may put your health at risk, please consult your doctor.
Sex Education Continued
If you were lucky enough to have a health class in high school teach you about the birds and the bees, you most certainly learned how to put a condom on a banana and about heteronormal able-bodied sex, and that’s pretty much where it ended.
Luckily, the internet is what it is today, and there are people like Eva Sweeny out there. Cripping up sex with Eva is making pleasure accessible in a whole new way. As a woman living with Cerebral Palsy, and queer, Eva, had no platform whatsoever to support her healthy sex drive.
So, she created it herself. She’s debunking myths, teaching workshops, and empowering those with disabilities to achieve maximum pleasure without shame or fear.
Eva is a wealth of information. She offers sex toy reviews, personal online support, and highly informative Crip Q’s. She is the go-to sex guru for anybody looking to enhance their sexual knowledge on this subject. She’s pretty much the resident expert on everything sex and disability and can be found consulting on numerous blogs and articles floating around the Internet.
Whether you are in a couple with a disabled person, or you both are living with disabilities, there is something so intimate about the commitment to each other’s pleasure. This is the closest that you could ever be with someone, and it should be enjoyed and treasured.
And sometimes that means that sex won’t be that fly by the seat of your pants spur of the moment. And there is the preparation that needs to be done. We also recommend consulting the highly rated Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability if you are unsure where to start. You will find great tips for people who live with a variety of conditions.
One of the biggest tips we could give you is to practice certain movements with your clothes on before trying it fully nude. So, whether you incorporate a sex toy, or you need to get into certain positions – do that beforehand to ensure comfort before you get into the heat of things.
And remember to laugh – a lot. Sex is fun, and it shouldn’t feel like the pressure of the world is on your shoulders. Nothing is perfect, so why should this be?
The great news is that you are spoiled for choice with a plethora of modifications, for people of all abilities. And, yes, a certain level of creativity may be needed – but isn’t that the fun of it? And remember that an open mind is truly the spice of life.
Here’s our pick for best sex positions for disabilities. But, since everyone is different and not one position or one way will work for everyone, we hope this is a good jumping-off point and will inspire you to take that leap.
Oral Sex Positions
Oral sex is fantastic. Can we just take a moment to acknowledge the amazingness of a wet mouth on our intimate parts.
The best part – anybody can get in on it, and no matter your disability there is something for you. And for some, this might be the only way you can get intimate with your partner – and, hey, that’s really cool. Because a great blowjob or pussy eating is something to truly be cherished.
For people who can’t spread their legs this is a perfect position to receive oral. The receiver lays on their side, and the giver can stimulate them from behind.
Perfect for cunnilingus or anilingus. If the giver for some reason gets tired or uncomfortable, grab a toy!
This position is wonderful, no thrusting involved. Enough said!
Whether in your wheelchair, chair or side of the bed, sitting down is one the best positions for getting head.
The key to successful penetrative sex positions is all about angles and the use of helpful aides such as pillows, bolsters, and rolled up towels for support if certain parts of the body is stiff or painful.
And to get it right may take some time and patience. You need to experiment with what feels good and comfortable. If you need five pillows – so be it! But, the absolute best measure is trial and error.
This is where communication is an essential part of a healthy sex life for anyone, but especially for disabled sex. Verbal cues are great, but non-verbal cues are just as excellent. A raise of the eyebrow, can indicate faster or harder. A twitch of the nose can mean slow down.
And if you require a home help aide, have them teach your partner how to safely get you in and out of your wheelchair.
Here’s just a few ideas to get those creative juices going.
If one person has more mobility or control over their partner then a modified missionary could really be a winner.
If the person on the bottom can lay on their back and bend their knees to rest on their partner’s chest, that would allow for deeper, more comfortable, penetration. Use a bolster or pillow to help you get exact position and not put all the strain in your legs.
Everyone loves a bit of doggy. This can be performed from a wheelchair if you or your partner needs to be sitting, or the edge of the bed with bolsters or pillows.
Cowgirl/Reverse Cowgirl (Lying)
As the male partner (or the one with a strap on) just lies there on the back, this is a great and relatively easy to achieve position.
Wheelchair Sex Positions
There is often a misconception that people in a wheelchair are not able to have sex, but, as I hope we have made clear by now, that is the farthest from the truth.
Many people have very fulfilling, rich sex lives when they find themselves in a wheelchair for whatever reason. One quick Google search and a myriad of personal essays pop up – like this wonderful piece here.
Certainly, a wheelchair throws a wrench in “conventional” sex, but what’s conventional anymore, anyways? It’s all about 50 Shades of Rainbow and a healthy sex life includes two consenting adults – and wherever you fall on that spectrum is glitter!
When it comes to having sex in a wheelchair, there are so many positions that can be accessed. And certain sex positions can be a natural way to hit that oh-so-amazing G-spot.
Very Important Tip: Don’t forget to pump the breaks (pun intended) on the wheelchair before getting down and dirty. Nobody wants to crash and get hurt in the heat of the moment.
Wheelchair sex can be modified from just about any sex position. So, pick your fancy! Here’s our hot take to get your started.
This position can be thought of as the wheelchair’s missionary. It’s intimate, and when eye to eye with your partner you can connect on a whole new level.
The person in the chair either has a penis or is wearing a strap-on, and the person on top straddles with their legs wrapped around their seated partner. Depending on the mobility of each partner, thrusting can be a mutual experience. While in the wheelchair, the person on the bottom can use the chair for momentum.
Penetration is deep, and the skin to skin contact makes it that much more special.
Reverse Cowgirl (Sitting)
The person in the wheelchair has a penis or is wearing a strap-on, the person on top can back themselves onto the penis and use the chair as leverage and stability as they ride their partner.
This sex act requires the person in the chair to have a vagina. The thruster positions themselves in front, with the seated person’s legs over each shoulder and enters them with either their penis or strap on.
Can you say hello G-spot stimulation!?
Up Your Toy Game
Think about incorporating some sex toys into the mix. They can be a very welcome addition not just as foreplay, but as the main event.
Whether due to sensitivity, or hard to reach areas, using toys can be a great way to understand what feels good and what doesn’t. It’s a great idea to experiment on yourself first, if you can.
Eva offers great reviews on her site, we can’t recommend her invaluable insight enough.
And if both in your couple have disabilities preventing easy access to each other, toys can be used for a mutual masturbation experience.
And it wouldn’t be a disabled sex toy talk without mentioning the groundbreaking Intimate Rider. This sexual aid is making sure that sex intimacy is respected and stays a priority, especially for those whose mobility is severely limited.
An investment in your sexual health, the sexual mobility chair was designed by a C6-C7 quadriplegic to provide a stimulating experience for couples. All it needs is gentle rocking or swaying from your upper torso to get the chair moving and you grooving.
Things to Watch Out For
Ok, but really, we can’t stress that enough – you and your partner’s comfort should be the first priority. If certain things wear you out, it might turn you off to sex all together, and that’s just not the goal.
If an orgasm spasm really takes a toll on you physically, this should be addressed immediately. This might mean your partner needs to back off on what they are doing. Take heed of your energy levels and don’t try to over-do it.
Keeping the communication flowing within yourself and your partner is essential. Don’t be afraid that you are missing out on some wild sex act or feel the need to do something because you read it online or saw it in porn – you are exactly where you need to be, and that’s more than enough.