A few weeks ago, Toy With Me was all, “Would you maybe like to review some sex toys?” And I was like, “Oh, I don’t know, are puppies cute?” And they were all, “Okay, your first toy is in the mail.” And I was like, “Fuck yes.”
And then I waited impatiently. And then sex toy delivery day came and I was more excited than I’ve ever been. Except for that one time. And that other time. But besides that? Nothing beats sex toy delivery day.
Especially since I didn’t know which toy they had sent me or what I was going to find when I opened the box. It was all kinds of mysterious and exciting, kind of like Christmas morning for my clit, but without the large man with white facial hair and the decorating of dead trees.
Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, my clit.
Being that I’m such a clit girl, I couldn’t have been any happier to open the box on sex toy delivery day and find the LELO LILY, a clitoral massager by LELO that definitely lives up to the fact that its name is in all caps.
LELO creates a line of products categorized as “pleasure objects,” and they’re known as the world’s best for a reason: LELO doesn’t mess around with gorgeously designed and highly user-friendly passion products.
My LELO LILY arrived in an elegant gift box, complete with a charger, user manual, and satin storage pouch. My first thought when I pulled my new pleasure object (why can’t I stop saying pleasure object??) out of its box was, “Wee! So little and pink!” which is totally what I imagine people are thinking when they’re all up in my box. Sigh, my LILY and I are so much alike.
After opening my new toy, the rest of the afternoon went like this:
Plug LELO LILY into her charger for the recommended two hour charge time. Try to decide if I think it’s weird that I’m calling her a “her”. Decide it would be weirder if anything named Lily were a “him.” Read the manual. Learn about the five different modes and the intensity and the pulsing. Get excited. Marvel at how much this vibrator resembles an egg. Crave eggs.
Wait impatiently for the charging to be over. Stomp around. Yell to my roommate about my overwhelming desire to masturbate and the need for someone to invent an instantaneous charging process. Keep reading the manual. Learn that a two-hour charge equals seven hours of vibration. Shut the hell up with my complaining.
At the end of the two hours, once little LILY was fully charged, it was time for business. Using this vibrator was strange at first since I’m usually a hands-only girl and don’t dedicate a lot of time or relaxation to the process of getting myself off. Or at least that’s who I was, because I’m now thinking that all the rushing is about to become a thing of the past.
Thinking back, I’d like to guesstimate how many times I’ve used my LELO LILY in the past two weeks, but I’m not sure I can count that high. Let’s just say, instead, that I’ve certainly used it enough to try all of the different settings. And then all of the different settings in different combinations. And then all of the different settings in different combinations again for “extra research.” Yes, it has been an exhausting week. Less for me than for LILY though; she’s such a hard worker!
The Pros & Cons
In LILY’s plus column are the seven-hour charge, the curved shape that makes it comfortable and easy to use, the soft, smooth finish, the easy ability to control speed and intensity, and the near-silent vibration.
The only downside to Miss LELO LILY is that she doesn’t come with a man to test her out with, even after bragging about having such a “couple-friendly” design. Dear LELO: Please remedy this immediately. Other than that though, the only thing I didn’t love was how powerful the highest few speeds were. Maybe I’m overly sensitive, but man, put your LILY on the highest speed and you can feel your earlobes vibrating.
Size: 75 x 36 x 25 mm
Weight: 37 grams
Battery: Li-lon 200 mAh 3.7 V
Charging: 2 h at 5.0 V 500 mA
User time: up to 7 hours
Standby: up to 90 days
Frequency: 150 Hz
Max noise level: <50dB Interface: variable interface, 5 modes